How To Heal The Fear of Being Seen
The spotlight. How does that make you feel? Whether in real life or online, this can be exhilarating, terrifying, or somewhere in between.
Truth is, for many of us, the very idea of being seen – truly seen – evokes a deep-seated fear. This fear can manifest in countless ways, from social anxiety to creative blocks to a constant feeling of invisibility. Underneath the surface, it’s the fear of judgment, rejection, or simply not being good enough.
This fear of being seen is rooted in our vulnerability. When we expose ourselves, we risk being hurt. But within that vulnerability lies immense power.
Hiding ourselves from the world not only protects us from potential pain, but also hinders our growth, connection, and ultimately, our happiness.
That’s why showing up and being real is such a wonderful way to connect with your future clients and customers. It’s also why so many people feel invisible in the online world: they’re simply unable to share their true self.
So, how do we heal this fear and step into the light, embracing our authentic selves? Here’s a comprehensive guide:
Causes of the Fear of Being Seen
Fear of being seen often stems from past experiences. Childhood experiences of rejection, bullying, or criticism can leave lasting scars. We may internalize the message that we are not worthy of love or acceptance, leading us to hide away.
For example, maybe you had a parent that criticized you a lot. So you learned to “hide” in order to avoid criticism. Or perhaps you had a busy or distracted parent. While there may have been real reasons behind their actions, you might have interpreted that to mean that your needs weren’t important. Because you have shame around your needs and desires, you now have a problem with sharing them to anyone at all.
What Does The Fear Of Being Seen Look Like?
The fear of being seen can manifest in various ways:
- Social anxiety – Intense anxiety around social situations can stem from the fear of being judged or scrutinized.
- Imposter syndrome – Doubting your accomplishments and fearing exposure as a fraud can prevent you from taking risks or sharing your talents.
- Perfectionism – The relentless drive to be perfect can be a way to control how others see you, ultimately leading to self-criticism and a fear of failure.
- People-Pleasing – Constantly seeking external validation can stem from the fear of being rejected if you don’t conform to others’ expectations.
- Creative Blocks – The fear of criticism can paralyze creative expression, preventing you from sharing your unique perspective with the world.
How Hiding Is Harming Your Business
Hiding from the world can have significant consequences:
- Limited Business Growth – When we stay hidden, we limit our chances of connecting authentically and attracting our ideal customer or client.
- Inauthenticity – Creating a business that only looks good on the surface causes inner turmoil. We might block our own success due to our inauthenticity and disconnection from our true selves.
- Missed Opportunities – The fear of being seen can hold us back from showing up online, connecting with like-minded people, and in turn, creating the business of our dreams.
How To Heal The Fear Of Being Seen
1. Acknowledge and Accept the Fear
The first step to overcoming any fear is acknowledging its presence. Write down the specific situations that trigger your fear and how it makes you feel–whether that’s going live on Instagram, launching your website, or even just telling your friends what you do for a living. Accepting that the fear exists allows you to work with it, rather than letting it control you.
2. Reframe the Narrative
Challenge the negative messages associated with being seen. Instead of focusing on potential rejection, reframe it as an opportunity for connection, growth, and self-expression. You can’t control how others react, but you can control your own perspective.
Remember, that when you’re being authentic, not everyone will like you–and that’s okay! The more we signal who we really are to the world, the more the people who do really like us will show up.
3. Start Small
Taking small steps outside your comfort zone can build confidence. Maybe it’s joining a small online community focused on a shared interest, or starting a conversation with someone you admire. Celebrate each step, no matter how small.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Remember, we all have insecurities. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the same understanding and compassion you would offer a friend. Self-compassion provides a safe space to explore your vulnerabilities without judgment.
5. Celebrate Your Uniqueness
What makes you, you? Embrace your quirks, passions, and perspectives. The world needs your unique voice and talents. I mean, who wouldn’t want a relationship coach who also does pole dancing workshops on the side? While you don’t have to share everything, sharing who you really are speaks volumes about you, in a way that boring old copywriting never could.
6. Find Your Tribe
Surround yourself with people who value authenticity and celebrate your individual spirit. A supportive business community can provide encouragement and a safe space for you to express yourself freely.
7. Redefine Success
Success doesn’t have to be measured by external validation. Define success on your own terms, focusing on personal growth, creativity, and living a life that aligns with your values. If you pushed yourself to grow a little this week, that’s more than enough to celebrate yourself for!
8. Embrace Imperfection
Perfectionism is a common mindset problem for women. We’re literally taught to keep chasing an ideal–yet in reality, perfection doesn’t exist. And you don’t have to be perfect in your business. Everyone makes mistakes, and that’s okay.
Messed up a word in your YouTube video? It’s fine. Made a spelling mistake on your website? Who cares! Trust me, most people aren’t paying as much attention as you think they are. Why stress yourself out over something that is completely human.
9. Practice Vulnerability
Sharing your true self, even with the risk of rejection, can lead to deeper connections and a more fulfilling life. That’s just as true in the online space as it is anywhere else. Start by opening up to a trusted friend or family member, and then move into sharing with your audience.
You don’t have to trauma dump or overshare. But simply sharing something you’re worried about or struggling with can reveal a lot to your potential clients and customers.
10. Do Some Shadow Work
Finally, shadow work is one of the most powerful tools for entrepreneurs and small business owners. We all have subconscious mind junk that holds us back form showing up the way we really want. Doing a little shadow work can help you focus in on exactly what negative core belief is holding you back from showing up as the real you.
Final Thoughts
Even though your subconscious protection mechanisms served a purpose at one point in time, you don’t have to keep them forever! With a little conscious effort, you can heal and overcome any subconscious block–including the fear of being seen!
You don’t have to let self-sabotage win out in your small online business! You have the power to show up fully and attract in the clients (and money) you deserve, no matter what has happened to you in your past.
If you want to take the next step in your growth journey, then come work with me! Working with a coach one-on-one is always the fastest way to overcome your mindset blocks.